My Fleep:
Family & Parenting
Family & Parenting
Understanding the social challenges for your child with Aspergers
Your child desires more than anything to be "normal." I
know that "normal" is a relative term and that it means
different things to all of us. But deep down your child
with Aspergers wants to fit in and be part of what everyone
else is doing. It is human nature we all want to be and
feel a part of something. They may not understand exactly
what it means, but they do understand that they are left
out of school or family activities.
However the challenge for you and your child is that they
are unable to gauge their activities or behaviors in
comparison to others. They are simply doing what their body
and mind requires them to do. This is one of the key
problem areas for the Aspergers child. Most children
growing up tend to instinctively take in what is going on
around them and how people are behaving. They then tend to
"model" (or copy) this behavior and so begin to learn how
to act in certain situations. For the child with Aspergers
this does not come naturally. There will be times when they
do not know how to respond to certain people and/or
situations. This will inevitably lead to anxiety, which may
lead to further inappropriate behavior. This can lead to a
very negative cycle of more and more inappropriate
behaviour as the anxiety increases.
If your child could stop this behavior, they would, because
they want to. More than likely, they will instead become
obsessed with whatever behavior or issue they are "stuck"
on. This is because it is their only defense. That defense
provides them with a manner in which to respond to a
situation they are unable to deal with. It's basically just
a coping mechanism and we all have this in stressful
situations. Some of us get angry and will argue loudly,
others will ignore the problem and others of us may just
walk out. So just like children with Aspergers we often
also don't always deal with situations effectively. It is
just that the child with Aspergers may act this out in less
socially acceptable ways.
The behavior they display also provides them with an escape
from that which they fear. Your child is not attempting to
gain attention, which is a common theory about
inappropriate behavior; instead they are attempting to
escape attention. Their brain simply doesn't allow them to
understand how the world works or how they are supposed to
fit into the world, given their perceptions and their
abilities. These skills that we tend to automatically take
for granted are just lacking. This includes a difficulty
with the basic understanding of the rules of society,
especially if they are not obvious. Children with Aspergers
will not comprehend body language. He or she is not able to
sit in a room, observe what is happening, and understand
social cues, implied directions, or how to read between the
lines, and this will not change over time.
The unspoken rules of society guide most of our actions and
interactions, and will not be understood by your child
naturally. Providing him or her with practice or resources
on how to deal with these situations will be of huge
benefit. There are many books, software programs and good
educational resources in this area. If you are not already
using them I would urge you to do so. You can find a wealth
of information about these resources on the internet,
through your local education board or through the many
Aspergers and Autism support groups out there.
So to summarise this article children with Aspergers just
do not have the natural ability to understand how human
beings interact with one another (especially with the
subtleties of body language, expressions, double meaning of
words etc.). But it is possible with the right resources to
begin to teach your child how to cope with these challenges
and become better in social situations.
----------------------------------------------------
Dave Angel is a social worker with families who have
children on the Autistic Spectrum and is the author of a
new e-book that answers the 46 most asked questions by
parents of children with Aspergers. To claim your free 7
day Mini-Course for parents of children with Aspergers
Syndrome, visit http://www.parentingaspergers.com today.
Your child desires more than anything to be "normal." I
know that "normal" is a relative term and that it means
different things to all of us. But deep down your child
with Aspergers wants to fit in and be part of what everyone
else is doing. It is human nature we all want to be and
feel a part of something. They may not understand exactly
what it means, but they do understand that they are left
out of school or family activities.
However the challenge for you and your child is that they
are unable to gauge their activities or behaviors in
comparison to others. They are simply doing what their body
and mind requires them to do. This is one of the key
problem areas for the Aspergers child. Most children
growing up tend to instinctively take in what is going on
around them and how people are behaving. They then tend to
"model" (or copy) this behavior and so begin to learn how
to act in certain situations. For the child with Aspergers
this does not come naturally. There will be times when they
do not know how to respond to certain people and/or
situations. This will inevitably lead to anxiety, which may
lead to further inappropriate behavior. This can lead to a
very negative cycle of more and more inappropriate
behaviour as the anxiety increases.
If your child could stop this behavior, they would, because
they want to. More than likely, they will instead become
obsessed with whatever behavior or issue they are "stuck"
on. This is because it is their only defense. That defense
provides them with a manner in which to respond to a
situation they are unable to deal with. It's basically just
a coping mechanism and we all have this in stressful
situations. Some of us get angry and will argue loudly,
others will ignore the problem and others of us may just
walk out. So just like children with Aspergers we often
also don't always deal with situations effectively. It is
just that the child with Aspergers may act this out in less
socially acceptable ways.
The behavior they display also provides them with an escape
from that which they fear. Your child is not attempting to
gain attention, which is a common theory about
inappropriate behavior; instead they are attempting to
escape attention. Their brain simply doesn't allow them to
understand how the world works or how they are supposed to
fit into the world, given their perceptions and their
abilities. These skills that we tend to automatically take
for granted are just lacking. This includes a difficulty
with the basic understanding of the rules of society,
especially if they are not obvious. Children with Aspergers
will not comprehend body language. He or she is not able to
sit in a room, observe what is happening, and understand
social cues, implied directions, or how to read between the
lines, and this will not change over time.
The unspoken rules of society guide most of our actions and
interactions, and will not be understood by your child
naturally. Providing him or her with practice or resources
on how to deal with these situations will be of huge
benefit. There are many books, software programs and good
educational resources in this area. If you are not already
using them I would urge you to do so. You can find a wealth
of information about these resources on the internet,
through your local education board or through the many
Aspergers and Autism support groups out there.
So to summarise this article children with Aspergers just
do not have the natural ability to understand how human
beings interact with one another (especially with the
subtleties of body language, expressions, double meaning of
words etc.). But it is possible with the right resources to
begin to teach your child how to cope with these challenges
and become better in social situations.
----------------------------------------------------
Dave Angel is a social worker with families who have
children on the Autistic Spectrum and is the author of a
new e-book that answers the 46 most asked questions by
parents of children with Aspergers. To claim your free 7
day Mini-Course for parents of children with Aspergers
Syndrome, visit http://www.parentingaspergers.com today.